Just call me Scrooge

This year I feel like I just don't want Christmas to come. I'm just not in the mood. Am I weird? Don't answer that- I already know the answer. I hated all of the Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving, and now that it is after Thanksgiving, and technically "Christmas time," I still find myself resenting anything Christmas. I am looking forward to going home for the holidays- that is for sure. Maybe I'm resenting Christmas because it has so many other meanings. My time in Provo is getting shorter and shorter- and all of the Christmas stuff is just a constant reminder of that. I also have just been ridiculously disgusted with the ever increasing materialism. Why am I taking a stance now, when my whole life has been filled with materialistic Christmases? You would know just as much as I would. I really do like Christmas, but I guess I'm just not ready for it to come. This time of year is just hard as well, so maybe that has a lot to do with it. I'm about to turn 24 which is awful. haha. I'm so weird about my birthday. I just hate getting older! So maybe once my birthday is over, I will be more in the Christmas spirit.... who knows... Until then I guess all I have to say is "Baa Humbug!"

Greetings from my busy life

It's been a month since I've last blogged.... oops. This semester is absolutely insane though. When did I become an adult? Can someone please explain this to me? Here's what's going on.

1. I am taking the GRE on Monday. Monday people! And yet as I study for this GRE I can't help but think that this has nothing to do with grad school and that it really isn't a good way of showing what kind of a person or student I will be..... But hey, whatevs.

2. I've started applying to grad school, speaking of. I can't help but have the fear that I won't get in. May seem irrational to you, but very real to me. I need to have a plan B, just in case. And yet I have NO idea what that plan should be.

3. Money sucks. Moving on.

4. Jerusalem plans continue to go well. It still doesn't feel real, and I'm guessing it won't even after I am already over there.

5. Oh by the way- I'm in my last real academic semester of my bachelor's degree- so on top of all of the "life" stresses, I also have 5 classes to deal with. Midterms, what? Good news though- I'm pretty sure I aced my midterm this week. One more to go. (for now)

6. This is my last semester in Provo. Pretty much ever. (Never say never I guess, but for all intents and purposes, this is it!) Even though there are quite a few things that I don't love about Provo, it will be very hard to say goodbye. It's always hard to say goodbye to what you are used to.

7. I'm turning 24 soon. Ugh. 24? really? How did this happen?

8. All of my friends are having babies. Kinda weird, but so fun to look at pictures on facebook!

9. Oh and by the way.... I'm going to KENYA. week of Thanksgiving. Boom. More details to follow. I've waited to tell people just because it really doesn't feel real. But it's happening. My friend is going for a charity the week after Thanksgiving, and I am going with her a week before to tour around and experience Kenya. So I just got a bunch of vaccinations. Which made me sick, but I'm over it now and ready to Safari!

There is probably more going on with me, but those are the more pressing/important things.

Thought Process

Here is how my day goes all day every day. I think to myself:

Jerusalem!

Holy Crap I'm taking the GRE....

JERUSALEM!!

i need to study for the GRE. So many vocab words

490 paper- slavery slavery slavery

I'm freaking going to Jerusalem

wow i have so much reading, i don't know how i am going to get all of this done.

i need to find more clothes that are appropriate for Jerusalem

i wonder how Ethan is doing... how can I get closer to him?

i know i'm not worried about the math portion of the GRE, but should I be?

Am I really going to Jerusalem?

I need to call mom/dad/fill in the blank

READ READ READ

I need to figure out car insurance for Jerusalem

I need to write Emma back

Words with friends takes up way too much of my life

The Quran is actually a pretty good book. What if I was Muslim? ;)

There are Muslims in JERUSALEM

I wonder how (fill in the blank) is doing...

I need to write in my Journal

Shoot. I am taking the GRE.

Am I going to get into grad school? What if I don't? What if i DO?

Jerusalem is going to be awesome.

I miss Ethan. I miss Parker. I miss my parents.

How is Parker doing? How can I be a support to him from so far away?

I'll be even farther from him in Jerusalem.

How is it possible to think about Jerusalem THIS much?

Oh shoot, I need to think more about the GRE and less about Jerusalem.

bellicose=hostile, apotheosis=supreme example, anachronistic=out of place, etc.

JERUSALEM

And the cylce just goes on and on and on....

Papa Joe

For some reason or another, I'm really missing this guy lately:

It's not his birthday, or his death anniversary, or anything like that. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I'm in a family history class right now. Or that I'm studying Southern history for my major. I miss Georgia. Particularly Papa- since he was the reason that I would ever visit Georgia. I miss going to his house and having absolutely nothing to do but sit and enjoy each other. I miss not being able to walk past him without getting a long, often overdrawn hug. I miss being told that He loves me and to never forget it! I miss sitting on his swing in the back yard with magnolias, woods, and the next door neighbor's horses. I could go on, but let's just say that I can't wait to see him again!

News

I'm going to Jerusalem! In other words- I got in! I can't believe that it is all really happening. I have been dreaming about going for over 5 years now and it just doesn't seem real. I really really really am excited to go. I found out yesterday, which meant it was just a good day all around. But now today the reality of it has really sunk in. Because I'm going to Jerusalem on January 3rd, this is my last and final semester in Provo. And that is honestly kind of sad to me. As much as I have always talked about leaving Provo as soon as I can (which apparently I'm doing...), I really am going to miss it. And it is a heavy burden to carry, knowing that I only have 4 months to spend with the wonderful friends I have been able to make since I have lived here.

I moved to Provo for the first time in August of 2006. I went home for the summer of 2007, but other than that, I have lived here year round ever since then. It was a rough beginning, but as I got used to the Provo ways, it really has become a great place for friends and fun times. Although Provo definitely has its downsides, there are a lot of positive things that I will miss. Mainly the people that I have met and become so close to. You know who you are!

Now that I'm going to Jerusalem, I have all of these decisions to decide upon that I thought I had longer to make. Things that I was going to be deciding next semester all of the sudden have to be decided this semester. And it all seems very overwhelming. And yet I feel a peace about it all. I know that everything will work out for the best. It always seems to, miraculously.

I am very excited to be moving into the next stage of life, even though it kind of scares to daylights out of me. It feels so similar to the fear of leaving St. Louis to come out here, and yet I feel much more ready and prepared this time. I have learned so much during my years in Provo and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. To those of you reading this and are still in the Provo area- let's make these next 4 months count!!

Yep, I'm a bloggin'

Surprised? You probably forgot I even had a blog. Well I'm here to remind you that I do. Well I can't sleep. It is exactly 1:18 AM at this very moment in time. And I am awake. Obviously. I have never had trouble sleeping in my life. But as of late, falling asleep seems to be quite a problem. Staying asleep is easy, but getting to that point seems to quite the challenge. Perhaps it's because I have so much on my mind? I'm not really sure. The weird thing is, is that I really am very very tired. And my eyelids are burning and screaming at me to please go to sleep. But once I lay down in my bed, these same eyelids refuse to stay closed. So here I am, blogging. This summer has been alright I suppose. June was kind of a drag. I had classes and that was fine and all, but in reality I just wanted to go on a million roadtrips like I did last summer. I did just get back from a month long vacation to my hometown, St. Louis, though. And that was very fantastic actually. While home, the fam and I also went to DC for a little vacation. I have literally been wanting to go to DC since I was in the 2nd grade. I did a little project on our nation's capital, particularly the smithsonian, and have been dying to go there ever since. Well here I am, 16 years later, and finally achieved my goal! And the best part of all is that it didn't disappoint. We were up and going all day every day, but I didn't mind because I wanted to see as much as possible.

So DC and St. Louis were marvelous. Being home for that long really was a pleasure. I was worried that I would be aching to get back to my life in Utah, but I somehow left wanting to stay even longer, which I guess is the way it should be. And now I've only been back for 3 days and I'm feeling bored out of my mind. I just want to be DOING something. And so, as you can imagine, I am ready for school to start. It starts a week from Monday, and I am counting down the days! I will probably be singing a different tune once I see how much reading I have to do this semester. Yikes. But I'm up for the challenge. I think.

As far as other updates go- I applied to go the Jerusalem center, and I should be finding out whether I got in or not in a matter of days. According to the itinerary, I should find out on or around the 19th of August. So 2 days (ish). I'm hoping the ish part might mean I will find out tomorrow. But I guess you just never know.

Well I think that is all for right now. Maybe I will try this whole sleeping thing.... again...

Big Dreamin

This is what occupies my thoughts all of the time right now. It's the BYU Jerusalem Center. I've been wanting to attend the center for over 4 years now and I'm really hoping that my dream will finally come true. I'm applying to go in January!! Pray for me to get in! I want to wake up every morning and look out on the ancient city. And there is a field trip to Tel Aviv! And if things ever clear up, then there is a field trip to Egypt as well. I guess that remains to be seen. Oh Jerusalem...