Hi Grace, meet Grace

This semester has kind of been a weird one for me. I don't mean it's been a bad one- in fact being weird doesn't mean it's good or bad. It just means weird. I've always prided myself in having a firm grasp of reality and who I truly am. How I feel about certain things, what I want in life, how I would react to certain things, why I am reacting that way, etc. And I'm not saying that I am all of the sudden having an identity crisis and that I don't even know who I am anymore. Because that is definitely not true. I know who I am- better than anyone else in my opinion. The problem is that I have that opinion to an extreme sometimes to the point where I almost want myself to be the only person that truly knows me. It means I don't open up to others, I don't let know people what I really think oftimes, and so on.

Ok this blog post is already going in a different direction than I was wanting it to, so let me rein it back to the point. I feel like I know myself really well, so it still surprises me when I learn something new. I guess that's part of the growing up experience? Or better called the life experience? Let me give you a few examples.

First. Lately a few of my friends have been discussing the whole topic of the love language theory. You know... that one where there are 5 love languages and you feel and receive love through one main one- even if you feel love through all of them. The 5 languages are service, quality time, physical affection, words of affirmation and gifts for those of you that don't know. Anyway- when everyone was talking about it, they just knew what kind of love language they spoke. And it surprised me to think about it and have no idea what language best suited me. (Disclaimer: I am not one to rely on psychology- especially "popular" psychology requiring you to know what color you are, or what kind of tree you are, although I do find it interesting) But it still surprised me because I can usually know what a result of a certain quiz will be before actually taking it. But with this one, I simply didn't. So I took the quiz online and the results were overwhelmingly in the words of affirmation category. I scored the highest possible score (12) for it actually. With quality time being second with 8.

It's stilly though because even though this may seem insignificant to many of you (including myself if I were an outsider), this has really affected me. As I've done more research as to what it means for words of affirmation to be your love language, I have learned new things about myself that I suppose I always knew, but just didn't know how to put it into words. Words matter to me. I need to be told that you appreciate me. I need to be asked about my life to ensure me that you are interested. I need you to listen to me and to say out loud that you are doing so. I need you to tell me that you love me and I need you to tell me why. I need you to not say things that you don't mean because I will probably never forget it. (This is unfortunately so true! This doesn't mean I won't forgive you, it just means I won't forget it) I need you to word things in the way that you mean them so I won't come away from a conversation thinking something totally different than you are. (This is also not a plug for people to start sending me notes of affirmation or comments telling me how much they appreciate me, it's more just me sharing with you what I have learned about myself- I swear I'm not being passive aggressive, and if you know me at all, you will know that's true) Is this high maintenance of me? I argue that it's not. It's just my love language.

And with this new understanding of how I feel love and usually express it as well, it has brought a new light to my current situation. (wow this post is getting a little personal... oh well, no turning back now) I have felt distant from friends that I hold dear lately. I have felt that they don't care and that I am not appreciated. Not recognizing these feelings just made me retract in a way that no one even really noticed. And I did it in a way that no one would notice. But now I'm realizing why I feel that way. And the love language quiz helped me to realize that, even if it was a stupid little online quiz. As much as I hate feeling sad or miserable, I hate even more when I don't know why I feel that way. So this quiz helped me realize that, leading to a more self-aware confident me. So that's the first thing that I've learned about myself.

Second. I'm kind of discovering my feminist side. Not my feminine side (I've already met that side of myself) - my FEMINIST side. I've read two article lately that have made me realize this. The first on being the one I plugged for in my last post and the second one being an article in the New York Times that I read today. You can read it too, if you'd like (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/04/opinion/04holmes.html) Although the article is specifically about Charlie Sheen, it addresses a much bigger issue facing our world. What is wrong with men? Don't they see how lucky they are to have women in their lives at all? Women are not disposable, they are not worthless, they are not less intelligent, they are not over emotional, they are not psychotic crazies. They are highly prized daughters of God. They are nurturing, emotional, beautiful, sympathetic, divine, smart, and powerful. I hate that just because they are different than men, they are passed off as psychotic, over emotional or high maintenance. And I'm tired of feeling like its the women's fault. Because it's not. It's the men of this world. I'm trying to not sound too radical, but I do have really strong opinions and feelings on this. Women should be nothing but appreciated and praised. Yes they have faults, but being different than men is certainly not one of them. Individual women have faults, not women in general. And the same goes for men. I'm tired of men getting away with such acts as Charlie Sheen while the world turns and looks the other way. Enough is enough. And now I will step down from my soap box.

Before I do so, I do want to say that I am not overgeneralizing men. I know that there are great guys out there who really appreciate women. My father is definitely one of them and I appreciate his example of loving and supporting my mother and me throughout our lives. And yes, I do have other examples, but guys- do you really appreciate the women in your lives? I don't just mean your girlfriends and wives. You should be treating every single woman in your life with dignity and respect. Don't make her feel crazy for having emotions because it is part of human nature. Instead of passing them off as crazy, try understanding them and having patience with them. Not only should you love them, but you need to tell them you love them, and show that you love them. No one is off the hook here- even if you aren't beating women, like Charlie Sheen, I'm sure your appreciation of women could use some improvement.

And before you start defending yourselves with "oh but girls don't appreciate guys either," just know that I'm not saying that isn't true as well. But girls not appreciating guys doesn't make the fact that women are under appreciated and overlooked any less true. Let's stop blaming and start accepting. I, and women in general, deserve it. And now I really will step down from my soap box.

I would say sorry for such an emotional/strong post, but I'm not, and I shouldn't be. I'm taking a stand for women! (see, I wasn't kidding when I said I met my feminist side recently)