I will admit that in order for you to fully understand my post today, you need to be somewhat familiar with Hamilton. And I don't mean Alexander Hamilton, the historical figure. I mean Lin Manuel-Miranda's Hamilton from that crazy popular musical you have probably been listening to on repeat or have been saying that you should. Or maybe you live under a rock? :)
Regardless, I think you can still get where I'm coming from if you aren't familiar with it. I will strongly recommend at least listening to the song "It's Quiet Uptown," however, because that is where my thoughts have been for a long while now. Especially this last week. Mainly because I finally got around to listening to some of the remixes and Kelly Clarkson's version of this song is simply beautiful. See the lyrics here.
I have yet to hear this song without getting teary. Ok you caught me- without sobbing. For a little background- Alexander and Eliza (his wife) have just lost their oldest son in the aftermath of a very public scandalous affair between Hamilton and another woman. Due to circumstances surrounding the scandal, Philip's death could be blamed on Hamilton, and I'm sure those feelings of resentment and loss are strong in Eliza's mind. To get away from it all, they decide to move uptown- a very different change from their life in the limelight of politics and scandal.
Hamilton quickly realizes that uptown, it's much quieter. And although his life up until this point has been incredibly fast paced, he gains an appreciation and even liking for the quiet he is able to experience as he reflects on his life. He even starts going to church and finds himself praying, something he had never done before. It is under these circumstances that we see a change in Hamilton- a change that I submit could not have happened without the quietness that uptown allows. Sometimes I need to remember this. I need to remove myself from my busy schedule, my addiction to my smart phone, my own thoughts even. And I need to let myself be still. Be still, pray, and be at peace. Allow myself to reflect, refocus, and come to terms with changes that I need to make to be a happier and healthier me. I need to recognize to look at where I am and where I started. And embrace the heart break, joy, and everything in between that I've encountered along the way and appreciate that it has made me who I am today.
As Hamilton approaches Eliza to offer a sincere apology filled with incredible sorrow, he states that he's not afraid. He has faith in his wife and that they as a couple have the tools to overcome and heal. And I think his genuine remorse and willingness to apologize and face his wife- an unimaginable fete- gives him the strength and courage he needs to know that whatever Eliza chooses, everything is going to work out.
The true miracle comes when Eliza does the unimaginable and forgives him. After all he has done, she takes his hand and forgives. And that is what brings me to tears every. single. time. How does she do it? I think Lin Manuel-Miranda is a genius and offers an explanation as to how she does it with his mind blowing lyrics. The beginning of the song starts by saying that there is "suffering too horrible to name," which is what the Hamiltons have experienced. But in the moment that Eliza reaches out to forgive, the song states that there is "grace too powerful to name." Although the suffering is too horrible, the grace is even more powerful and allows the miracle of forgiveness to occur. What a beautiful lesson on allowing the grace of God to work within us and to do what we consider to be "unimaginable" and forgive. How many times have I held onto a grudge? Have I resented a person for something insignificant? Or even significant? And how many of those times have I thought of accessing the grace of God to help me to forgive. Not enough. That's for sure.
The beginning of the song refers to the "unimaginable" being the horrible suffering they are both going through. But it ends with the "unimaginable" being the miracle of the healing and forgiveness that they are both able to experience together as a couple. And they have to live with both of these unimaginable circumstances. And I'm sure living with the miracle of forgiveness is a much easier task, even though it does mean learning to live with a different dynamic in their relationship.
I hope that I can set fear aside whenever I mess up, whether big or small, and apologize and have faith that God (and whoever I have wronged) will have the grace to forgive me. And to have the faith that healing and forgiveness are a much more significant power than the hurt and sorrow experienced by so many in this world. And I hope that when I am wronged, I can have the grace to forgive because I too need that healing and the power of the miracles of God in my life. We all do.
