It's been over a year since my last blog post, which is surprising to me since I feel like I just wrote an entry recently.... time flies! I wanted to return to the blogosphere to do a 2019 wrap up post. 2019 was a good year for me. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about my family and friends and most importantly a lot about my Savior and his relationship with me. I chose the word discipline for my word of the year this year. In reference to just finding more discipline in my life to be a better adult in general, but also in reference to strengthening my discipleship and therefore relationship with my Savior.
The most interesting thing I figured out though is how wrong I was about the word discipline. Going into 2019, I chose that word as a way of kicking myself in the butt and telling myself that I was finally going to buckle down and do those work outs I'm always telling myself I'm going to do and eat under a certain amount of calories every single day without a mistake. And I was going to keep my house clean every single day and stay on top of my laundry. All while praying diligently and reading my scriptures every single day without fail. Because that's what discipline is, right? No. It isn't! The root of the word discipline and disciple means pupil or learner/student. So discipline is the process of learning something. Of making something a continual habit in your life that hopefully makes you better. It's isn't perfection from the get go and then just continual perfection.
So I learned to give myself grace this year. I learned that becoming a better disciple meant that I was going to make mistakes. And instead of getting off of the path and giving up, it is more important to get back on track and become a little better every time you get back up. Building healthy habits means having days where you just simply don't do what you're supposed to do. And not beating yourself up about it. Instead just saying "that's ok. I'm doing my best and I will do better tomorrow. I will continue trying."
And when I finally had that break through, what's cool is that I started achieving those goals I had wanted to achieve in the first place. I joined a gym and started going regularly (not every day!), I started eating healthier (but still ate my favorite foods in moderation), and I studied my scriptures better than any other year in my life (even though I had days that I missed and didn't read at all). When my focus changed to having a healthy balance in my life and a healthy relationship with food, with my body and with my spirituality, I became a better disciple. And that was the original goal with choosing the word discipline. So mission accomplished! Even though the mission changed throughout the year. And when I took the guilt out of messing up, the stress and anxiety of messing up also were lifted, allowing me to be more motivated to continue trying. And I think that's the key here. God doesn't want us to feel guilty all of the time. He just wants us to accept us for who we are, where we are, and then improve upon that. And the progress will be a lot slower than we want it to. But that's ok, it's still progress. And slow progress is much more likely to stick and be sustainable than quick 180 degree changes.
I'm looking forward to 2020 and all that it has to offer. I have made some good goals and I have some fun things in store that I will be sharing with all of you throughout the year. My word for 2020 is intentional. I want to be intentional with my time, with my money, with my energy and with my talents and gifts. All of my goals stem from that. I don't want to mindlessly scroll social media. I don't want to spend frivolously. I don't want to eat junk just because it's in front of me. I want to look at my phone because there is a purpose, I want to be productive with my time with my kids and husband, I want to look back at my financial, eating, spiritual decisions and say "I was intentional in making that choice and I'm glad I did." I want to be more mindful of myself and how I affect those around me. Here's to 2020!
