A life lived in fear is a life half lived

The title of this post comes from one of my favorite movies- "Strictly Ballroom" and that quote is something I think of often. Because aren't we all confronted with fear on a constant basis? Maybe some more than others,  but I know I am.  Fear that things won't work out, fear that I will fail, fear that someone won't like me, fear that I'm not reaching my potential, etc. But it's what we do with that fear that defines us. At least I have found that in my life.  It's the times in my life that I have faced those fears head on and moved forward anyway that I have found the most happiness.

I often recall a life changing experience that I had at BYU. One of many, actually.  But I need to give a little background first.  I have always been painfully shy.  And trust me, it is painful. Warming up to people took a long time, making friends was super hard, and going to social events was very hard if I didn't know everyone there.  Sometimes making it so I wouldn't go even.  And this obviously impacted my experience at BYU once I left home.  Let's just say that moving out of my comfort zone across the country wasn't a fun experience.

I spent a few years at BYU, but never really felt like I fit in.  I felt lost, even.  Not only was I struggling socially, but I also had no idea what I was doing with my life and had no idea what to major in, what I was going to do after college, etc.  Typical problems people at that age go through.  So I felt inspired to ask my brother, Parker for a blessing when I saw him next.  He was a freshman at the University of Utah and lived 45 minutes away from me.  I thought it was kind of an odd prompting because my dad was actually going to be in town that weekend, and he would usually be my choice to get a blessing from. And Parker was only 18.  But I texted him anyway and asked if he could give me one when I saw him that weekend before we picked up my dad from the airport.

You guys.  This blessing literally changed my life.  I still to this day have the notes I took afterwards written down in my phone. It's a simple bullet point list, but I wanted to share it here:

I was given the ability to relate to all different types of people

I was blessed to be fearless against temptation

Reach out to the Lord, and He will do the same

Prayers will not be answered how I think they will be

My shyness and fear have inhibited my life and I can overcome this with the Lord's help

I just need to be myself

Remember that it's the Lord's timeline

My weaknesses can become strengths

And for some reason I had never thought of my shyness as a fear- but that's exactly what it is! And the antidote for fear is faith.  And thus started my journey towards conquering my weakness, shyness.  Or social anxiety, I have come to realize.  Was it easy? Absolutely not.  Not even a little bit.  But after that blessing, I felt equipped with the the tools to face my fears and I knew that I had the Lord by my side.  And as I'm reading this list again today, it's crazy how they still apply to me 8 years later. And probably always will.  I had been praying and praying to be able to figure out what to do with my life, and the answer I got was to conquer my fear/shyness.  And it's exactly what I needed because conquering that fear opened so many doors to me.  It's a coping skill that I needed to have a successful life in general.  

Conquering that fear opened me up to a life I didn't know I could have.  A full life.  And it just made me realize that what God promises us is true.  "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)

I still smile with gratitude towards God every time I tell a new friend I have made in Danville that I consider myself a shy person (it's hard to shake something you identify yourself as sometimes) and they are completely surprised and can't believe that I think that.  I just thank God that my weakness became strong through a long process, but a worthwhile process.  That's what the atonement has done for me.  One of the many things.  And I'm just so grateful that God is so good.  It gives me hope that my other weaknesses will also eventually become strengths.