February begins

Well an entire month as already passed in the year 2010. And boy did it fly by! I know it's quite boring to talk about the weather, but might I just comment on the lack of snow that Utah has had this winter? And it has been super warm. I have barely worn a coat this entire season. Maybe I've just become immuned to the cold, who knows. As nice as it is for it to be "warm," I do really miss the snow. But oh well...

Either way, January was a pretty decent month. Here are a few highlights of the past month:

- one of my roommates got a life size cardboard cut out of Obama! haha. So we've had fun with him. He's actually in our roommate picture for the semester. We get a lot of weird faces from all of these Provo conservative, which really only makes it better.

- I have been subscribing to food network magazine for a while now, and I decided to use some of the recipes! I hosted a dinner party and made a white chili, which was pretty good. Not as good as my mom's.... but still good. Then it was my friend Zach's birthday, so I made two different kinds of cupcakes. One was based off of a butterfinger, and the other on a snickers. The butterfinger ones were pretty good, but the snickers ones were heavenly. I will def be making those again.

- I went and got my hair done at the beauty school. It took over 4 hours.... yeah i know.... but the result turned out well! I just put blonde highlights in. I haven't put blonde in my hair since high school, so I was a little nervous, but it turned out really well!

I think that's all I have time for now, so I'll have to update again soon!

W.W.M.D.?

The title of my post stands for "what would melanie do?" I am in no way saying we should ask this question as opposed WWJD, but this is just what has been on my mind as of late. Some of you may ask "Who is Melanie?" Well I provided a picture for everyone asking that question. She is a character in Gone with the Wind. And we could all learn so much from her. I watched this movie a little while ago, and this time, just like every other time that I've watched this movie I was so impressed with her. For those of you who aren't too familiar with the story- I'll do a quick recap.

The story is set in the south right before, during, and right after the civil war. Scarlet O'Hara is the main character, and is a fiesty southern belle. She is madly in love with this man, Ashley Hamilton, who (gasp!) actually ends up marrying Melanie. Scarlet for the rest of the movie has bitter feelings towards Melanie and does many questionable things. No matter what kind of antics Scarlet comes up with, however, Melanie loves her dearly. She never has anything bad to say about Scarlet. In fact she doesn't seem to have anything bad to say about anyone. The part of the movie that I would like to focus on, however, is what has made me think WWMD? Scarlet is alone at night with Ashley and basically comes onto him. The next night is a party at the Hamilton's. Scarlet's husband Rhet forces her to go to this party because he thinks that Melanie deserves to be able to throw Scarlet out of her house for her inexcusable behavior. Upon arriving at the door, Rhet then leaves Scarlet to fend for herself. Scarlet, dressed in a red cocktail dress looks upon the party crowd, not knowing exactly what to do. Among the crowd is Melanie, the hostess. At this point she has a choice. She could throw Scarlet out and kick her to the curb. She could think "this harlot has been messing with my husband!!" I often find myself choosing this path in life. Somehow I feel like I deserve to treat others this way because I have been wronged. Revenge is ever so sweet, right? That's the whole problem though- it isn't. It makes you feel better at the moment, but it always ends up biting you in the butt and ultimately just making you unhappy. Melanie must have known this because how she handles the situation is how I want to be one day- hopefully soon. She warmly welcomes Scarlet into her home and selflessly includes her in all the night's activities. For the remainder of the movie Melanie continues to selflessly love Scarlet. Some people might think that she is just oblivious to Scarlet's selfish, petty behavior, which is why Melanie is able to love her so unconditionally. I must admit that at first I felt this same way. But Melanie is a smart woman. I know she must have been very aware of Scarlet's true motives and schemes. And yet somehow she was able to look past it all and love her unconditionally. How? That remains a mystery to me, unfortunately.

Sometimes I feel that it's just a personality thing. I think "Well its just easier for people like Melanie to be like that because they are naturally that way, and I'm not." But is that even true? Why does it have to be harder for me to unconditionally love everyone? Or is it even in fact harder? Maybe I just don't try as hard to overcome this weakness as Melanie does. I often fall into the trap of playing the victim. I feel bitter towards others because I feel that they have wronged me and therefore deserve for me to be cold to them. They were mean to me, dang it! But as I sit and ponder on Melanie's actions, I realize that no one deserves that. Everyone has their struggles, just like I do. And no one is perfect, however unfortunate that may be. That is why I need to ask myself WWMD more often. When faced with awkward situations I need to do what she would do. Warmly accept all around me, which will only lead to me being happy, so why not do it? There have been many a Scarlet in my life up to this point, and there will probably be many more. So I am faced with a choice. I can choose to bitterly cut them out of my life and hate them for all eternity (because they deserve it, right?!) or realize that such bitterness will only end up hurting me in the end. Which is why I need to choose to be warm and accepting of everyone unconditionally. It will be hard, but when face with these situations where I have the choice to act one way or the other, I hope I can remember to ask myself "What would Melanie do??"

My Guilty Pleasure...

Team Edward???

REALLY?!

Silent Night

I have found it quite difficult to catch onto the Christmas spirit this year. And I'm not really sure why. I've made the gingerbread houses, created the christmas cards, watched the christmas movies, made the christmas countdowns, listened to the christmas music, and yet nothing seems to register the "christmas feel" into my soul. I look around my house with all of its decorations and still feel that somehow, it just isn't christmas time. It can't be. Wasn't it just August?

The previous paragraph describes how I have been feeling every single day since Thanksgiving ended. But something changed yesterday. Yesterday was the christmas program at church. It was full of music, which was so wonderful. I woke up in the morning and felt like it was just any other Sunday morning. Since I'm the ward choir pianist, we were practicing for the final time before church. The choir was singing Silent Night and The First Noel. As we practiced Silent Night, a calm feeling came over me and for the first time this season, I started to feel the christmas spirit! I was quickly reminded of the beauty and miraculous circumstances of the night of the Lord's birth. Had I just forgotten that Christ is the reason for the season? Apparently so. Tears were brought to my eyes as I pondered on the words of this sared hymn. And that is not something that occurs often, trust me.

I picture myself being there on that holy night. Time must have stood still. The humble shepards must have stood in awe as they viewed this wonderful baby that would one day serve a mission that only He could serve. He would perform miracles, serve everyone around him, teach the gospel, and ultimately atone for every single person's sins. As I look down on the Christ child with these shepards, the entire world is still going on around us, but somehow we are all unaware of anything else that is going on outside of this stable. Whether noise was being made or not, we didn't hear it. For in this small instance, everything is perfectly silent. Everything. What a powerful and mighty moment, for without it, the world would not be the same.

Silent night, holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon Virgin Mother and Child

Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!

Shepards quake at the sight

Glories stream from heaven afar

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia

Christ, the Savior is born

Christ, the Savior is born

Silent night, Holy night

Son of God, love's pure light

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With the dawn of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

This song has slowly made a biggere impact on me every single Christmas. And this year I have finally realized that although I have never actually recognized it consciously, it is my favorite sacred hymn. Although there are so many other good ones, somehow this one is always in the back of my mind, reminding me of that sacred moment in time. Before I sign off, I'd like to share a story with you that really touched me as well. It's written by an LDS missionary about his first Christmas away from home in St. Petersburg.

"It was Christmas Eve around the world, but just another frosty December night in St. Petersburg, Russia. This country celebrated no such holiday.

Our zone had just presented a Christmas program in the huge Kazanski Cathedral, where we sang Christmas songs and read from the book of Luke. It seemed as if our words and notes drifted up to the lofty ceiling and were swallowed by the darkness. But the sparse audience, mostly members and investigators, had partaken of the Spirit.

Our missionary work hadn’t been going well. People didn’t want to listen to two humble young men give them a message of redeeming love. Perhaps because of my discouragement, the Christmas celebration planned for later that evening didn’t hold much appeal for me.

My boots kicked up some new fallen snow and I shoved my bare hands deeper into my pockets. My gloves had been misplaced at a hotel a few days earlier. In this country, you don’t just walk into a store and buy gloves. You need to search.

Suddenly, Elder Redd sat down on a bench in the small park in front of the cathedral. I thought, Oh, now what? I just want to go home where it’s warmer.

Home was not the right thing to think about. It brought a flood of memories I really didn’t want to ponder right then. This was my first Christmas away, and I was feeling down. Where were all the decorations and the hustle and bustle of the holiday season? What about stockings, Christmas trees, and nativity scenes?

We hadn’t been able to get through to the international operator, so it looked as if I couldn’t make my phone call home either.

Tears welled in my eyes. I turned around so my back was to the wind. As I faced the cathedral, everything began to grow quiet. I looked at the majestic structure in front of me, bathed in pale, green light. The stars above were pin dots on a black shade, radiating calmness and peace.

“Silent night, holy night; all is calm, all is bright. …” The phrases softly entered my mind and drifted in whispers from my lips. “Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.” Elder Redd heard me and joined in a little bit louder. There was a feeling of reverence.

As we sang the second and third verses, a warm realization came to me. The joy, happiness, and peace at Christmas come from within. The material things and outward symbols of celebration bring sweet feelings, but only for a short moment.

Instantly, the thought of sharing Christmas with the other elders became appealing. It would be a gathering of friendship and love. We missionaries all needed to strengthen each other.

Christmas is what you make of it. It doesn’t matter if you’re with family and friends or halfway around the world. The real gifts at Christmastime are the fruits of the Spirit. Paul said, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith” (Gal. 5:22). Could one ask for anything more during the celebration of Christ’s birth? "

Until next time! Merry Christmas!

I'm officially old

Yes- that's right. I am officially 22 years old now, therefore making me old. I have felt old every year since I turned 17 though- so I guess this year shouldn't be any different. My birthday was on Tuesday. The day started out kind of rough actually. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm very sensitive on my birthday in the first place, but here's what happened: I have institute every Tues and Thurs morning at 10, as you all know. I got to institute that day in plenty of time to get a parking spot and everything. The parking lot was entirely full, however. This is not uncommon, so you usually have to drive around for a bit to wait for someone to leave so that you can take their spot. I was not so fortunate this time, however. I drove around for 20ish minutes, trying to find a spot. At this point my class was already started and going, so I ended up just leaving because I could never find a spot. I love my institute class, so this was most upsetting. Then I had some time to kill so I decided that it was time to get my Utah driver's license. I kind of had to anyway because my Missouri one was expiring that day... haha. So I go to the licensing office in Provo, only to find out that I had to go to a different one in Orem, where they offer the written test. The lady gives me the address and I leave. I put the address in my iphone and route the way. At the end of the route on my phone however, I am sitting in front of a residential home in Orem with no licensing office in sight. I then decide that this address must be a typo or something, so I look up the office on my phone, which gives me a different address. After routing the way to this new address, I quickly realize that this was also a mistake, for I end up in the middle of a construction zone. At this point I am extremely frustrated and find myself yelling at my phone, other cars, etc. When I look down at the address I had originally put in my phone, I realize that I had put South intead of North, which is why I was taken to the wrong place originally. I finally find the place and end up having to take the written test to get my Utah license. Good thing it was open book, because I definitely would have failed had it not been. This test seemed much harder than the one I took when I was 15 in MO. But hey, that was ages ago. But hey- at least I have a valid license once again.

After this whole fiasco, my friend Justin came down and we went shopping for candy, graham crackers, and icing ingredients for my gingerbread house party that I was having that night. Afterwords we went to the mall to shop around and then had dinner at PF Changs- my favorite! During this time I was able to relax and get in a better mood, fortunately. When we got home, I made icing and prepared my house for gingerbread house making. I'd say it went very well- and everyone seemed to have fun. Below is a picture of the house I made.

Making gingerbread houses is one of my favorite things to do- so I was able to be in a great mood by the end of the night. I also got some great gifts from the fam- including a camera from my mom and the Edward Cullen barbie from my dad. haha! I must say that was truly unexpected! Well hopefully I'll be able to make many more gingerbread houses before the season is over!

Thanks Giving

Yes indeed, it is that time of year. I just love Thanksgiving. I have been quite horrible at having an "attitude of gratitude" for a majority of this year so far. I suppose that is because this has been quite a hard year for me in a lot of ways. But maybe one of the reasons it has been so bad is because I haven't been grateful for everything that I really have been blessed with. So here is my attempt to really look at this year and remember the good things that have happened.

1. At the beginning of the year, I still lived at an apartment complex and was in the best ward ever, at least in my opinion. I am so grateful for the relationships I was able to create with the bishopric in that ward specifically. The 1st counselor became my dad away from home, and for that I am truly grateful. And the bishop became very close to me as well. Last semester is when I felt my life was crashing down, and these 2 men never grew tired of my breaking down and were always more than willing to give me a blessing at a moments notice. I could talk to them about anything and everything, and I will never forget them.

2. I am SO grateful for my job. The guys that I work with have been just so fun. I've been able to do a lot of fun things (for free!) thanks to my job. Not only are my guys great, but all of my coworkers are so great as well. I have really been able to create some amazing friendships there, and I don't know what I would do without it!

3. I have been taking the 1st half of the Old Testament this semester and wow has it been amazing! I tried reading the Old Testament on my own at one point, and I just wasn't getting anything out of it. But now it's like all of these new truths have been opened up to me, and it's been awesome!

4. So background real quick- McDonald's used to have these plastic chicken nuggets with halloween costumes on them for their happy meals toys every year for halloween. My mom thought they were SO cute and therefore decided to collect them all. My brother and I would always want to play with them, and my mom pretty much forbade it. We did it anyway of course... but she would always get on our case about playing with them because I guess she thought we would lose them or something. So I know it sounds silly, but the halloween nuggets are a special little halloween thing that our family has. This year, to my utter surprise, she sent me a package for halloween, and in it was the nuggets! I couldn't believe it, and it actually brought a tear to my eye. haha. For that I am grateful

5. One of my best friends, Justin, moved down to Arizona a few years ago. It was very sad for me, but we still stayed in touch and I always looked forward to our phone conversations. Well as of a couple months ago, he is back in Utah! Yes, it's SLC instead of Provo, but I am still so excited to be able to spend time with him on a regular basis as opposed to having to make due with phone conversations. He is the most happy, upbeat person ever, and I just love being around him for it! So as you can probably already tell, I am very grateful for Justin.

6. I moved into a new place in the fall. I was a little afraid because the girl I was supposed to be rooming with decided to drop out, which left me living with 5 strangers. I haven't had the best of luck with random roommates in the past, but it has turned out to be a great living situation. All of my roommates are awesome and we all get along really well. For that, I am truly grateful.

7. So yes, this is probably silly to a lot of you, but I am very grateful for my iphone. I've had it for a few months now, and it has truly changed my life! I have all information literally at my fingertips. I can keep track of my finances, look up movie times, get directions to anywhere, etc. It has truly been an amazing thing to have.

8. I am very grateful for my personal journal, for it keeps me sane on a regular basis. Without it, I would probably be in an institution. :)

9. I decided to subscribe to TIME magazine a month ago or so, and I am very grateful for it. I feel like I actually know what is going on in the world, and it has made me more educated, therefore making me a better conversationalist. I often find myself tying what I read in TIME into daily conversations.

10. I am very grateful for my friend Tasha. She is so amazing. She is the most loving, caring, selfless person I know. And I can learn so much from her example. I am very blessed to have her in my life.

Well there's my ten of 2009. More updates to come!

November is HERE!

2009 is quickly coming to an end... and I'm not sure how I feel about that. This year has gone by really fast, and yet I feel like I haven't accomplished much of anything. If anything, it hasn't been an awesome year at all. I suppose some years have to be like that. It's not that this year has been oh my word awful, it's just been kinda blah. I need to be better about being more productive with my time, and I mean really! Now that I've got that little tid bit off my chest, onto more important things. This past week has been ok I supposed. The weekend, however, was interesting to say the least. I went on this blind date- long story. And boy was it awkward! It was with this guy that is 27, in the military, drives a jeep, etc. I don't think the conversation could have been more forced. I know I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and I know that in general I have the tendancy to be extremely awkward in social situations. This being said, I feel like I have the right to harp on this guy and his utter lack of being able to have a conversation at all! The date was in Salt Lake, meaning that we had close to an hour there and back to just be by ourselves, talking. I guess my main problem is that he did not ask ONE question about myself. Not ONE!!! Isn't that how conversation works these days? I mean, it wasn't filled with a bunch of awkward silence. But that's just because I had to wrack my brain constantly for questions to ask him, and it quite literally drove me nuts! There's only so much you can ask a person if they won't give you something to go off of, right? Oh well, I guess not all dates will be awesome. I'm just extremely disappointed that there are people out there who haven't figured some common sense things out... haha

On another note, I have decided to start a card making business! I have been making homemade cards for friends and family for a lot of the holidays for the past few years and I have realized that I really do have a talent for this. So why not make profit? I'm not usually very confident in my talents and abilities, but in this I am. So I have already started to make some Christmas cards. It takes me quite a while to come up with a concept and then make the card, so I figure I'll be ready to sell cards in 6 months to a year's time. But I'm really excited about this because I just think it could really work out, if I'm willing to put the time into it. So yeah, that's what has been on my mind as of late. Hopefully more to come soon!