LENT

You might be wondering why I haven't been putting up any pictures on my blog lately. Well let me tell you- it's because I haven't taken any. Aside from the Valentine's pictures (which I put up on facebook) I haven't taken pretty much ANY pictures this year. I took a picture every single day in 2010, so I guess I am just a little burnt out. But hey- As soon as I do something that is picture worthy- I promise to not only document it, but put it up on the blog as well.

Anyway- It's that time of year again. That's right- lent. I just started doing lent last year, and it was quite an enjoyable experience, so I decided to do it again this year, and probably every year from here on out. I decided to go for something way hard this year. I'm giving up paying to go out to eat. And I go out to eat a LOT. So it'll be hard- but worth it. Not only will I benefit as a person from making such a sacrifice, but my wallet will also benefit. And that's the real deal folks. Let's just say that I'm not the best with money. I'm not the worst. But I'm not the best. So yeah. I have a free meal at Tucanos and a Jimmy John's gift card to get me through the next 40 days. haha. And if I happen to get asked out to dinner, I will also have that available to me. But in general, I'm going to be cooking a lot more! That's pretty exciting I suppose. I do like to cook, I just never take the time to do it. So maybe now I will, since I don't even have the option of going out to eat. It started on Wednesday, so I'm going on day 3 now. I haven't felt any withdrawals yet. Maybe I will, who knows. I seemed to fair pretty well with giving up facebook last year without feeling too many withdrawals, so maybe if I feel like I can't do something, then I don't feel the need to do it? I don't know. The same thing happened when I gave sugar one time. So I guess we shall see. Wish me luck, everyone!

Hi Grace, meet Grace

This semester has kind of been a weird one for me. I don't mean it's been a bad one- in fact being weird doesn't mean it's good or bad. It just means weird. I've always prided myself in having a firm grasp of reality and who I truly am. How I feel about certain things, what I want in life, how I would react to certain things, why I am reacting that way, etc. And I'm not saying that I am all of the sudden having an identity crisis and that I don't even know who I am anymore. Because that is definitely not true. I know who I am- better than anyone else in my opinion. The problem is that I have that opinion to an extreme sometimes to the point where I almost want myself to be the only person that truly knows me. It means I don't open up to others, I don't let know people what I really think oftimes, and so on.

Ok this blog post is already going in a different direction than I was wanting it to, so let me rein it back to the point. I feel like I know myself really well, so it still surprises me when I learn something new. I guess that's part of the growing up experience? Or better called the life experience? Let me give you a few examples.

First. Lately a few of my friends have been discussing the whole topic of the love language theory. You know... that one where there are 5 love languages and you feel and receive love through one main one- even if you feel love through all of them. The 5 languages are service, quality time, physical affection, words of affirmation and gifts for those of you that don't know. Anyway- when everyone was talking about it, they just knew what kind of love language they spoke. And it surprised me to think about it and have no idea what language best suited me. (Disclaimer: I am not one to rely on psychology- especially "popular" psychology requiring you to know what color you are, or what kind of tree you are, although I do find it interesting) But it still surprised me because I can usually know what a result of a certain quiz will be before actually taking it. But with this one, I simply didn't. So I took the quiz online and the results were overwhelmingly in the words of affirmation category. I scored the highest possible score (12) for it actually. With quality time being second with 8.

It's stilly though because even though this may seem insignificant to many of you (including myself if I were an outsider), this has really affected me. As I've done more research as to what it means for words of affirmation to be your love language, I have learned new things about myself that I suppose I always knew, but just didn't know how to put it into words. Words matter to me. I need to be told that you appreciate me. I need to be asked about my life to ensure me that you are interested. I need you to listen to me and to say out loud that you are doing so. I need you to tell me that you love me and I need you to tell me why. I need you to not say things that you don't mean because I will probably never forget it. (This is unfortunately so true! This doesn't mean I won't forgive you, it just means I won't forget it) I need you to word things in the way that you mean them so I won't come away from a conversation thinking something totally different than you are. (This is also not a plug for people to start sending me notes of affirmation or comments telling me how much they appreciate me, it's more just me sharing with you what I have learned about myself- I swear I'm not being passive aggressive, and if you know me at all, you will know that's true) Is this high maintenance of me? I argue that it's not. It's just my love language.

And with this new understanding of how I feel love and usually express it as well, it has brought a new light to my current situation. (wow this post is getting a little personal... oh well, no turning back now) I have felt distant from friends that I hold dear lately. I have felt that they don't care and that I am not appreciated. Not recognizing these feelings just made me retract in a way that no one even really noticed. And I did it in a way that no one would notice. But now I'm realizing why I feel that way. And the love language quiz helped me to realize that, even if it was a stupid little online quiz. As much as I hate feeling sad or miserable, I hate even more when I don't know why I feel that way. So this quiz helped me realize that, leading to a more self-aware confident me. So that's the first thing that I've learned about myself.

Second. I'm kind of discovering my feminist side. Not my feminine side (I've already met that side of myself) - my FEMINIST side. I've read two article lately that have made me realize this. The first on being the one I plugged for in my last post and the second one being an article in the New York Times that I read today. You can read it too, if you'd like (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/04/opinion/04holmes.html) Although the article is specifically about Charlie Sheen, it addresses a much bigger issue facing our world. What is wrong with men? Don't they see how lucky they are to have women in their lives at all? Women are not disposable, they are not worthless, they are not less intelligent, they are not over emotional, they are not psychotic crazies. They are highly prized daughters of God. They are nurturing, emotional, beautiful, sympathetic, divine, smart, and powerful. I hate that just because they are different than men, they are passed off as psychotic, over emotional or high maintenance. And I'm tired of feeling like its the women's fault. Because it's not. It's the men of this world. I'm trying to not sound too radical, but I do have really strong opinions and feelings on this. Women should be nothing but appreciated and praised. Yes they have faults, but being different than men is certainly not one of them. Individual women have faults, not women in general. And the same goes for men. I'm tired of men getting away with such acts as Charlie Sheen while the world turns and looks the other way. Enough is enough. And now I will step down from my soap box.

Before I do so, I do want to say that I am not overgeneralizing men. I know that there are great guys out there who really appreciate women. My father is definitely one of them and I appreciate his example of loving and supporting my mother and me throughout our lives. And yes, I do have other examples, but guys- do you really appreciate the women in your lives? I don't just mean your girlfriends and wives. You should be treating every single woman in your life with dignity and respect. Don't make her feel crazy for having emotions because it is part of human nature. Instead of passing them off as crazy, try understanding them and having patience with them. Not only should you love them, but you need to tell them you love them, and show that you love them. No one is off the hook here- even if you aren't beating women, like Charlie Sheen, I'm sure your appreciation of women could use some improvement.

And before you start defending yourselves with "oh but girls don't appreciate guys either," just know that I'm not saying that isn't true as well. But girls not appreciating guys doesn't make the fact that women are under appreciated and overlooked any less true. Let's stop blaming and start accepting. I, and women in general, deserve it. And now I really will step down from my soap box.

I would say sorry for such an emotional/strong post, but I'm not, and I shouldn't be. I'm taking a stand for women! (see, I wasn't kidding when I said I met my feminist side recently)

Mini thesis

want to know anything pertaining to the Choctaw Indians and the Indian Removal Act of 1830? Just ask. Because I'm the expert now. Apparently.

Writing

Why does writing papers suck so much? I write all the freaking time. I write notes, I write in my blog, and I write in my journal. I easily write 50 pages a month. maybe more? that was an extremely rough guesstimate. But when it comes to writing a paper, I just don't have the motivation/ability to just WRITE. I've been sitting in the exact same spot for about 10 hours now. yes, 10. All because of a paper, that oh by the way I haven't even begun to write. Don't think that 10 hours has been wasted though- I've been researching. But now I think it's actually time to take the plunge- so obviously I needed to blog first to get in the writing mode perhaps? Or maybe it's just because I've felt a desire to blog again- because it's kinda been a while. On the few small breaks I took today, I did a few things that maybe you can enjoy as well.

Emma introduced me to a new pandora type station with no ads, got it? NO ADS! Anyway- she also introduced me to a new band MNDR (pronounced mandar according to this website). And I've been listening to her radio station all day long. I have even bought a few songs that I discovered through this station. Basically I'm transforming into an Indie-hipster. That's ok right?

I also read a really interesting article (also introduced to me by Emma) that expressed exactly how I've been feeling for a long time now and just haven't had the right words to truly express it. Emma got it from Alicia, and on her fb wall it has sparked quite a debate! I know that if people ever put links or videos on their blogs, I NEVER read/look at them, so I will understand if you choose to not look at this article either, but I'm just saying it's a great article. And although it's about women, it is written by a man and it meant for men. And I couldn't agree with the concept more. Try reading it and let me know what you think.

Read it here

I also tried the New Special K cracker chips where you can have 30 great tasting chips for only 110 calories! Definitely wouldn't recommend them. They aren't as great tasting as the box tells you they are. The flavor isn't bad I suppose and they definitely aren't disgusting, but I wouldn't buy them again. They kind of have a styrofoam taste to them- just like rice cakes. But they aren't horrible I suppose. You can try them if you want, but hey I wouldn't do it.

Just imagine- I did all of this AND researched for a paper while remaining in the same chair all day. Good thing I had no class, right? Cool.

30 Day Bust

Yeah about that 30 days challenge... I'm not saying I'll never finish it. I'm just saying that I really didn't enjoy it. I thought I would like it more than I did. But hey- that's ok right? I'll put the last few topics up eventually, but every day is a little much if you ask me Plus the topics aren't that interesting a lot of the time. Maybe I should come up with a 30 day challenge that is actually cool. hmmm.... maybe I will. Anyway- don't worry- I haven't died. I'm just on strike of the 30 day challenge, which I am now calling the 30 day bust if you can't tell. Welp- see ya

Day 20

Day 20 : A Bible Verse

Joshua 22: 5

" But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses, the servant of the Lord charged you, to love the Lord your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."

I guess you'd like my thoughts on it to? I'd say the verse is pretty self-explanatory. But I really like the word diligent- its requires a certain dedication and exactness to God and to his laws. It's nothing for the faint of heart. We must cleave to him, and give all of ourselves to him. And that is definitely not easy. To give of your entire self requires energy, effort, and the ability to humble yourself and recognize that you aren't the one in control. That is definitely a hard thing for me to grasp. Anyway- here's to being able to give of my WHOLE self to God with ALL of my efforts.

Day 19

Day 19: Something you want to do before you die

Well I want to do a lot of things before I die, which hopefully isn't for a long time.

1. Go to Jerusalem- preferably living there for a semester abroad, but going there in general would be ok too.

2. Graduate from college- it seems like this is forever away, but in reality it really isn't, so yay!

3. Finish reading the Old Testament- yeah... I've been reading it for over a year now... let's just say it's a slow read. haha

4. Learn to sight sing. I'm convinced that my inability to sing isn't because I have a bad voice per se, but more just because I can't sing high enough for a soprano part, but don't know how to read the alto line, leaving me to squeak out the melody, which is pretty unpleasant to my (and everyone else's) ears.

5. Learn to play the violin (or just a stringed instrument that isn't a guitar really)

6. Write a book - I'm unsure what the content will be yet... I have ideas, but I haven't really decided.

7. Get married and do that whole family thing... I guess... (totally kidding)

8. I'll just do everyone a favor and just say travel in general as opposed to listing off every single place I want to go- because trust me, there are a lot of different places that I want to go.

9. Learn to play the 3rd movement of Moonlight Sonata on the piano by Beethoven. Pretty much the hardest song I've ever heard.

10. Eat in a ridiculously expensive 5 star restaurant in NYC. I know it seems stupid, but hey it's something I'd like to do one day.